An ok sex life is NOT ok! Part 2

Personal share 

In the previous blog I wrote about how Anna Sophia’s stillbirth broke my heart and why this affected our sex life. Haven’t read part one yet? Click here and read that first. 

When I wanted to be intimate with my husband, my yoni refused to open. We can beat around the bush for a long time, but this was the case. And not just my yoni. When he touched my breasts I didn’t feel anything. I felt numb. 

My whole body felt numb. 

I wanted to be intimate. It wasn’t as if I didn’t want it. 

But I couldn’t feel anything. 

And feeling that, experiencing that feeling, made me feel even worse. 

It would have been so easy to avoid being intimate. 

I have felt that sneaky feeling. The part that wants you to feel safe. 

But this is exactly the mechanism that closes you off even more. 

Because you can’t not want it. 

The only way to keep yourself safe, is to hide behind walls, guard your heart, close her off and tell yourself stories to not have to be vulnerable. 

And don’t get me wrong, I know from my own lived experience that it takes courage and patience to stay open. I talked about what I felt with my husband. As a woman, often teaching other women about this, it felt f* vulnerable. 

I set the intention: I want to stay open. 

Staying open sometimes meant telling all the thoughts in my mind that I was safe. 

Staying open sometimes meant telling him to stop. 

Staying open sometimes meant breathing through all the grief that came up at the same time that my body experienced pleasure. 

And this last one, is the most important. 

Because to experience pleasure in its purest form, your heart has to be open. 

An open heart means no guarding. 

No false safety. 

No masks. 

And behind all that you will find your pleasure. 

Your body is so wise. 

She is capable of deep pleasure and keeping you safe. 

This season in my life deepened my wisdom that our yoni can create “situations” AND that so many, if not all, have a cause that lies so much deeper than regular society lets you believe. 

Don’t accept “ok intimacy”.

Don’t accept things like vaginismus. 

Don’t accept your ego trying to close off your heart and with that your pleasure. 

And if you need an extra motivator as an entrepreneur? Know that when you don’t uncover layers like these and guard your heart (and/or your yoni), you will simultaneously close off your bank account and feminine, blissful receiving as well.